Seattle Press
Community Log & News Digest
The Role of Lutefisk in Achieving World Peace
In the northwestern United States, lutefisk has risen to a standard of culinary preference matched only by Christmas fruitcake.

Good Recipes for Lutefisk

Note: This section was formerly subtitled Recipes for Good Lutefisk, but readers wrote in to say that was an oxymoron, so we changed it.

We've scoured the globe seeking recipes for lutefisk. To add your recipe for lutefisk, send it here.

Update, February 2004. Still waiting.
Update, April 2005. We've decided to accept Adequate Recipes...
Update, December 2005. This space for rent.

First submission received: The following seems to be the consensus approach to lutefisk.

  • Place your lutefisk on the kitchen counter for approximately fifteen minutes.
  • Season and cook your lutefisk according to any recipe of your choice.
  • Wrap your lutefisk in ordinary newspaper.
  • Throw it out!

About World Peace

We lied; if anything is antithetical to peace it is seeking consensus about lutefisk. (Originally published ca. 2002.)
Trump Supportive of Georgia Police
President D.J. Tr*mp weighed in today on the recent use of a taser by police officers in Georgia on an 87-year-old woman who was cutting dandelions in her neighborhood.

While snipping the salad greens, the woman was acosted by three armed officers, including the local police chief, who ordered her to drop the kitchen knife she had been using. As a non-English speaker, she did not understand their commands, she reported later. After failing to drop her knife she was tasered by one of the officers. She was hospitalized and released and is recovering at home. Charges are pending according to the chief, who immediately defended his valiant team.

"This is just another example of how we must be vigilant where foreign-born people are concerned," Tr*mp asserted in a tweet seconds after being informed of the incident. "Before criticizing police, we should remember what happened to that girl in Nebraska," he added, giving no details.

"If she didn't speak English, she should have said 'I don't speak English' or something" he emphasized with yet another of the logical pearls for which he is well known and admired by his supporters. "Today dandelions, tomorrow who knows; okra, collards?" he concluded.

(Fox News did not contribute to this report, stylistic similarities notwithstanding. —The Editors)

Source material

Summer in DC
Fun in the Sun!
Latter Day 'Greetings'
Greetings from the President of the United States!

Your friends and neighbors have selected you to help make America great again by participating in an innovative program in international relations.

Along with other selected citizens, you will receive an all-expense paid trip from a designated US point of departure to Russia, where you will be interrogated by friendly officials of the State Security Service (AKA KGB, GRU, or whatever replacement euphemistic acronym they may choose).

Prepare now! You will be notified when to arrive at the point of departure (you will be responsible for costs of travel within the US). Bring a toothbrush and several changes of underwear.

John Bolton, Program Manager and Chief Apologist

Note to trumpeteers and the very young: This message is in the style of WWII draft notices. The difference is that none who are drafted will be bolstered by millions of volunteers. Oh, and for trumpeteers only: This is satire.
Alaska Legislature May Ponder Requiring Russian Language in Public Schools
Moved by Pres. Trump's performance in Helsinki, the Alaska Legislature has reportedly appointed a panel to consider requiring the study of Russian in the state's public schools.

No one in the legislature or the state Republican party has confirmed or denied that the Trump government may soon return Alaska to Russia as part of a strategic global plan so clever that no one can figure it out.

The idea of a withdrawal of the US was prompted by a statement by Pres. Trump in 2016, when he asserted "Seward's Folly, as I call, it many people called it that at the time, I call it that now, as do many other people, as I learned at the Wharton School while Hillary was in Benghazi scheming to hide her emails, was a bad deal, a very bad deal, one of the worst deals ever for America, many people opposed it, $720 million down the drain, sad" to a campaign crowd. (The actual amount paid by the US was $7.2 million, and US Treasury revenue from Alaska in 2015 was $5,717.6 billion.)

He continued "..." (omitted for brevity and the sensibilities of thinking people everywhere).

One ranking member of the state senate, who asked not to be identified, stated the reasoning this way: "The meeting made it pretty clear that accommodating Russian political objectives will become an ever more important aspect of US foreign policy, As we've learned from the case of other states, when Trump grabs his ankles in the parlor, citizens should be waiting in the bedroom with a smile."

Some support for the addition of Russian to school curricula has previously been attributed fo descendants of pre-1863 Russian settlers in the vast territory.

"I'm sick and tired of people mispronouncing my name," said Rep. Nikolas Rapemenow, referring to the correct pronunciation Ra-pem-me-noff of the original Cyrillic spelling,

The Trump family has strong roots in the region. Pres. Trump's grandfather was a well known bordello operator there during the Gold Rush era (graphic).

We'll have community reaction from other parts of the state in a forthcoming edition.

Trump Family Alaska History